Wednesday, May 28, 2003

"One day you'll ask me what's more important, my life or yours. I'll answer mine, and you'll walk away, not knowing that you are my life."
-------------------------------------------------------
to be brutually honest? i'm unhappy.
uncertainty makes me fidgety.
hesitation leads to anxiety leads to...
leads to what?
i guess what i'm trying to say is sometimes i feel like life is passing me by, and i'm not sure what to do.
how do u pause life.
how do u slow mo it.
the real question is, if you could slow it down, or even stop it completely...
...would it really make a difference?

i talked to chris today and out of nowhere i told her: i feel like i'm goin through another one of them mid-life crisis.

it's kinda like, people say don't live life with regrets.
what if you can't?
what if you were given the opportunity to do it all over again?
some people would say, no, everything up until now has been a learning experience, i wouldn't change it.

what if i said i would accept in a heartbeat?

but you know, people always take it the wrong way this "do it all over again biz."
some memories were so memorable you'd do anything to experience it again.
some things you wouldn't ever wanna live through again.
so when i say to someone: i wish i could do it all over again, it doesn't mean i'd change everything.
just the crap that made my life SUCK!
haha. comprende?

i worry a lot these days. chris said i was different from when i was first on this campus. i asked how so.
she said: "you were more goofy, now you always seem to think too much, like you have a lot on your mind."

well chris, i'm still a goofball, and i've always had things on my mind.
i guess perhaps i let out one side more than the other but essentially it's still there.
it's up to me how i want to come off as.

i miss my friends.

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