you know...i feel like i need to just slow down...everything is just happening around me too fast...
this past weekend was hard.
it was charle's memorial dedication service and to be honest, i was pissed.
when i showed up it was just a small group and his family...and i thought about all these people in AAIV who made such a big deal about his tragic death, how he was "one of us" and how we as a community need to respond..etc etc...
and what happens 2 years later?
exactly. no one even remembered or cared enough to go out to this memorial dedication and to see his parents.
the way i saw it was..charles...i ain't gonna lie, he was an odd ball to me. he was an enigma and i can still remember the times we hung out his freshmen year. always so serious and contemplative over his words. i was by no means one of his closest friends..but i definately cared about him in other ways.
people in AAIV i feel like...felt like they WANTED the guilt. they WANTED to publicly mourn him as a community. as if they wanted to take him as their own tragedy...when..i know this might be wrong in saying this, but they are the ones who failed them. i say that because i remember seeing him and not seeing people talk to him at events. and now when something like this happens, they wanted to cry over the fact he was the brother that they had lost... sorry man...i didn't buy it then.. and now i know i was right 2 years later.
sometimes...God....i really wonder how it would have been like if he became my brother. i feel like..if he had crossed...we could have helped him, i feel like he needed us. i feel like if he had crossed, he would have come to us for all the pent up feelings raging in his mind and he would realize that we would not judge him but accept him for who he was, because as a family, we would have shown him the closest thing to unconditional love he can experience apart from God and his family across the ocean.

i really feel like we could have been the family for him. and that's why i think back and i am sad.

angry at the people who called him friend and told the media the same, and promptly forgot about him.

i don't think i can ever forget you even though i really never knew you.